Heart Country, Motherland, Homeland.

I am back in Florida! I left London early on the 28th and spent a week at my family reunion in Minnesota, then arrived mid-thunderstorm in Orlando this past Sunday.

My last month at IJM UK was filled with monthly reports, developing business operations procedures, and preparing for summer conferences. It was especially busy as I caught up after spending a week in Ukraine three weeks before finishing my internship. I am so grateful I could go to Ukraine, and though it was a short trip, so much happened that I want to share with you. You can read my blog post about the trip here.

After returning from Ukraine, my job at IJM switched from completing my usual tasks to teaching others how to do them and to writing procedures for the next intern. One of my goals at the beginning of this internship was to help IJM with something that would continue serving them after I left. One of my main projects has been creating procedures for IJM UK's new database -- how to enter new contacts, record receipts, send thank you letters, and pull reports. Though I never envisioned myself as a database manual content writer, I'm thankful and confident that anyone following after me at IJM UK will have a good foundation through the manual in understanding IJM's database (and a few fun Star Wars references to help them while they read!).

As I mentioned in previous updates, my day of solitude at IJM was the 25th of June- two days before my internship ended. Thank you to everyone who prayed for my time of solitude; it was all that I hoped it would be. I went to Frinton-on-Sea, a nearby seaside town, and spent the day walking the beach, praying, writing, and reading over all my journal entries since the beginning of my time in England. It is humbling and beautiful to see God's hand on your life. As I read through my prayers, joys, and struggles this past year, I was overwhelmed by God's unwavering faithfulness. I did not regret a single decision I had trusted to the Lord. He had brought me to a good land and taught me to thrive. He proved to me that I have no excuse, because in everything He has equipped me to stand. He stopped the hands of oppressors and gave liberty to captives. He made me a blessing to the people around me when I had nothing to give. He blessed me with incredible experiences I never thought I would have. I can testify to the words of Psalm 37 in my own life.

I am so grateful for the beautiful people I met in the UK and for my time there. It was hard to say goodbye, but also lovely to see my immediate and extended family again! I am back in Florida for the time being, discovering what He has planned next.

Frail Contributions

Today I went for a cycle down a path that runs along a river near where I live.  I wanted to clear my head before sitting down and writing this update.  After winding along the river, past clumps of trees, over a few hills, I stumbled upon the ruins of a chapel built in the 14th century, 1320, to be exact.  Some of the bricks used to build it actually came from remains of a Roman settlement!  I sat in the open crevice of what used to be a window, no longer filled with stained glass, and fought to visualize the nearly 700 years of history to which this structure had borne witness.  Before I was born, before my grandparents were born, before radios, before central heating, before electricity, before the United States of America, before the English Reformation, before Gutenberg... over 255,000 sun rises ago... 

It was quite humbling.  I felt my smallness in the vast expanse of time.  Surrounded by ancient stones, under an ancient sun, in an ancient country, I realized why so many poets and philosophers despaired of significance, why Keats insisted his tombstone read, "Here lies one whose name was writ in water." 

God is so vast, "He sees all the children of man" (Psalm 33:13).  He sees every single person ever born, every war, every moment of human suffering, every plague, every genocide, every abuse... and yet He still cares intimately for each one of us and is aware of every tear we cry -- "You Yourself have recorded my wanderings.  Put my tears in Your bottle.  Are they not in Your records?" (Psalm 56:8 HCSV).

I've been thinking quite* a bit about scale, time, and perspective this past month.  It has been an especially busy month at IJM.  In the last weekend of February alone, we had almost 200 people attend our benefit dinner in London, a church leaders conference, and speaking engagements at 7 church services in one day!  Gary Haugen came and spoke at each one of these events (despite being sick!), and we were deeply blessed and encouraged by his time with us.

At the church leader's conference, Gary spoke about the boring side of justice work... not what I or anyone at the conference was expecting, but what we, or at least I, desperately needed to hear.  Gary emphasized that justice is an attitude of the heart, not one-off actions.  Yes, it does involve glorious and exciting moments of breaking chains, gathering people from the dark, forsaken corners of oppression and releasing them into the light of freedom, busting down brothel doors, and defending human dignity in courtrooms; but thousands more moments are filled with endless piles of paperwork, years of driving for miles everyday to a court room where a judge doesn't show up, hours of sitting with victims too afraid to seek help... so many of IJM's cases are only successful by the grace of God and the relentless, patient obedience of people who never stop to question, "is this even worth it?"

The boring side of justice work I can absolutely relate to.  As incredible as my time here with IJM UK has been, the actual daily tasks I do are -to be brutally honest- boring.  Hours and hours of meticulous, difficult, never ending tasks. I've wrestled with feeling guilty for finding the work boring.  Hearing Gary openly admit that justice work often is boring, and that's okay, relieved me. I realized that being joyful in my work doesn't mean finding joy in every single task, it means choosing to be bored for the sake of joy.  

After the IJM Benefit, one of our partners made a profound remark that has widened my perspective on the work that I do.  He said, "In eternity to come, we will look back on these events, I am sure, and shed tears of joy as we see what the Lord has made of our frail contributions."

I have made many frail (VERY frail) contributions to IJM and the work of justice, contributions that honestly do not amount to much by any earthly standard. But my focus has been all wrong. In the grand but very real story of redemption God is writing for humanity, are not all our contributions frail?  And yet God has proven to be a God who uses weak, foolish, inadequate, insignificant contributions to write His story, and for all of eternity, we will rejoice with tears of joy over what the Lord has done with our frail contributions.

Last Friday we had our quarterly day of prayer -- a day we put aside our work at the office and worship and pray together.  During one session, we each spent some time alone with the Lord while writing a timeline of our life.  It was a powerful time for me to reflect on how the Lord has provided for me through every stage of life, how He has been gracious in my struggles, how He has used my suffering for good things, and how He has prepared me for every season.  So many of you have been a formative part of my timeline, and I am truly grateful for the ways you have prepared me for this part of my journey. Thank you!





*Funny story about the word "quite."  In the US, "quite" has a positive connotation.  If something is quite good, it is especially, particularly, pointedly good.  I happen to use the word quite a lot in conversation.  A few days ago, after leaving an event with my British housemate, I commented that the event was "quite lovely!"  My housemate then admitted to me she never can tell if I've actually enjoyed something or if I'm just being polite, because in the UK people use the word with a negative connotation.  If you don't have anything nice to say about something, you'd describe it as quite good, just to be nice.  I have probably offended or confused a hundred people since coming to the UK just by using that one word! And here I was thinking we spoke the same language... haha.

Ukraine

As many of you know, when I was accepted for this internship with IJM UK, I hoped to spend my Christmas holiday in Ukraine, as returning to the States for Christmas would be more expensive, Hope For Orphans was planning two orphan camps during that time, and Ukraine is my home-away-from-home.  Well, all the details fell into place, and I just recently returned to England after spending 3 beautiful weeks in Ukraine with the HFO team.

There are many, many stories to tell, so I thought using some pictures would help give a richer explanation of my experiences!  Here we go...

After sharing about my experiences in Ukraine at Fordham (my church here in England),someone decided to go with me!  Duncan accompanied me for the first orphan camp, and he is eager to bring a team from the UK to volunteer with HFO this summer.

English Master Class

As the only native English-speaking members of the HFO team, Duncan and I were incredibly blessed to speak with quite a few kids who could communicate rather well in English and were eager to learn more.  We taught an English master class in the afternoons, which helped us bond with the kids and (hopefully) encouraged them in their English studies.  We picked up a few Russian phrases as well!

The boy most eager to practice English, especially slang phrases, was Denise, who was also in my small group.

Denise is 15.  He was brought to the orphanage by his mom when he was 7, and vividly remembers the fear, pain, and rejection he experienced his first night in the orphanage.  He doesn't have siblings, but wishes he did and asked me loads of questions about mine- like if my brothers protected me even though I was the oldest.

I've never met an orphan so eager to engage in conversation.  Usually, it takes a few days for the kids to warm up to us and trust that we really are there because we care about them and want to get to know them.  From day one, Denise asked me loads of questions and constantly checked to make sure his English was correct.  "Tell me a story from your life," he would often ask me, and he was always by my side during Bible lessons and our evening program to translate as much as he could for me.

Thankfully, Denise has a VK (Ukrainian Facebook) account, so we have been able to talk every day since I've been back in the UK!  I get to greet him every morning and wish him goodnight.

Talking with Denise has given me deeper, more sobering insight into the hopelessness of daily life in an orphanage, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to stay in contact with him and experience a sliver of God's heart for him.  He believes in God, but carries much anger and bitterness he is not yet willing to release to Jesus.  Please pray God breathes new life into Denise; that Denise would know the immeasurable riches available to him in Christ and the steadfast hope of the Gospel.

After the first camp was over, Duncan returned to England and I spent a few days in Kyiv with the HFO team.  I love these people.  They have taught me so much about faith, service, love, and the heart of God.  I am deeply grateful for each moment I spend with them!

                         

The first camp team

Ice skating! 

About to see the Nutcracker ballet at the opera house

For the second camp, we were joined by a fabulous American team from Northland!  It was such a joy being re-united with old friends, meeting new ones, and simply being around fellow Americans (though the Ukrainian team adopted me as an official member of the Ukrainian team, which was fine by me!)

We went to Gordenya for the second camp, which marked the first time I have ever returned to the same orphanage for camp.  Even though it was two years ago, I reconnected with kids I had met before, and they remembered me!

Kolya in 2012 and 2014!

There was also a girl at camp named Nastia who I had met two years ago. It was amazing to witness how she has grown and changed and her heart has softened.  Two years ago, Nastia was very violent, angry, and hard to communicate with, but by the end of camp, she met Jesus, and she is truly changed.

Nastia's mother was imprisoned 13 years ago after killing someone who was attacking a pregnant woman.  Nastia's prayer for the past three years has been that she would be reunited with her mom, and now, Nastia just found out her mother is being released from prison early, and wants to have Nastya back by the summer. Nastya was thrilled by the news, but also afraid.  She said she would miss being at camp with HFO in the summer, and hugged each team member every time she saw one of us. I'm not sure if life will be better for her with her mom, but I'm encouraged by the girl she has become over the years, and I believe the love of Christ she has been shown by HfO will go with her and be an example to her mom. 

God is truly using HFO to change kids lives, and I am blessed and grateful to participate!  I hope to continue sharing stories like this with you for years to come.  Thank you for making my time in Ukraine this winter possible!